I wanna be a motherfucking boss dammit!

Hey bro - it is your older (yet in a cruel twist of fate, much younger looking) sister just stopping by to say hello. I know that some of your past posts have addressed the trauma and the stress that you feel as a day trader, banging away at your keyboard, cursing incessantly at your 42 computer screens, while you try to be in your own words, "a motherfucking boss."

I hear you. In fact, after watching the interest rates on my credit cards soar after being one day late with a payment; after watching the gas and oil prices climb to near ridiculous prices; and while trying to figure out why a household with two adults making what I previously thought was a decent amount of money is often living paycheck to paycheck - I had an epiphany: I want to be a motherfucking boss too!

Imagine the possibilities.... "Eat your broccoli."
"Why?"
"Because I'm a motherfucking boss, that's why!"

"I'm not coming in today. Or tomorrow. Or next month."
"Why?"
"Because I'm a motherfucking boss, that's why!"

The best reason of all to be the motherfucking boss? Control of the jukebox!

All Hail Dinosaur Trader!

I offer the following as a sign of peace to the great and all mighty Dinosaur Trader, because I am now seriously fearful that DT will not only come back, pin me down, and taunt me with a spit ball blob - but he'll have his ipod charged and will play "his music" non-stop into my ears as a form of revenge for the light hearted changes I have made to his blog. Hopefully, seeing our wonderful leader in action will aggravate him enough to make him forget all about his much younger, much cuter, sister and her blog posts in his absence.

McCain: Genius or Idiot?

I have no idea who this woman is that McCain picked for his VP. I'll say this for him - he knows how to steal Obama's thunder, and has a great sense of timing. Question of the night: If Obama had chosen Hillary as his VP, would McCain have chosen an African-American for his VP?

For those of you who speak in three-letter acronyms, fear not: I'm assuming DT will be back from his camping trip sometime over this weekend and his boring blue blog will shortly return. Therefore, I will be leaving the country so he cannot find me, pin me down, and taunt me with a big spit blob hanging over my face like he used to when we were little.

Dinosaur Trader Identity Revealed

Well, a girl has to do what a girl has to do - and so many of you came forward with bottles of grey goose and limes, that I am compelled to reveal the identity of the Dinosaur Trader. Now, by doing so, I am forced to reveal my own identity as well - so I am putting not only the trader, but my own family, into grave and mortal danger with this move. Just remember, that which does not kill you, only makes you stronger.

Who IS Dinosaur Trader, Really?

Many of you have emailed me in earnest to reveal the true identity of the Dinosaur Trader. While I may have sabotaged his little blog here while he is off camping with scary people in the woods, I still have to respect my family, people! What do you think I am, some cold-hearted bitch that would sell out her brother's identity to a bunch of anonymous traders on the Internet??? Please.

So, if you want to see a picture of DT by the end of the day, you better start coughing up the dough. I accept cash, cash, or cases of grey goose. With limes.

Bill Clinton is a God

That was a great speech, and Obama should be kissing up to Bill and Hillary for the rest of his life! This country really needs to re-think that two term rule. Give them a few years off, and then hey - if they want to run again, I say let em!

Hillary Wins in a Landslide

Not even close - after watching both speeches, Hillary Clinton clearly out spoke, and in my humble opinion, outshone Michelle Obama.

And here is some perspective that you would never hear from DT: Whoever dressed Michelle Obama last night in a blue-green dress that completely blended into the blue background is an idiot. It is all about the contrasting colors! Note the bright orange pantsuit that Clinton wore - ugly? Hell yes.

But she definitely didn't blend into the background, now did she?

A Trifecta!

Gotta love You Tube. First, I know for a fact that the song "Wise Up" by Aimee Mann is beloved by the Dinosaur Trader. Actually, the sister likes it too. So, imagine my delight when I find a video featuring Sawyer, the ultimate bad boy from Lost. DT hates any mass produced television show, even a great one like Lost.

So, I complete the trifecta by posting it tonight, when Hillary speaks at the DNC. It is too late for Obama to "wise up" however, since he has passed her over as veep. Mark my words - she'll be back!

MSNBC = Water Torture

Since my brother has abandoned his post of blog master, I have decided to try and watch the Democratic National Convention so that I can post some thoughts here, in his place.

First off, let me just say that I normally never watch MSNBC, or CNN, or any other political-news channel. All I have seen so far are overweight white guys with bad hair, in matching navy blue suits, making the same lame comments over and over again. Who the hell are these guys?

And I'm going out on a stereotypical limb here, but I'm guessing the demographics of MSNBC are mostly male. So, where are all the good looking female anchors to hook you with? Because if you are watching this channel just to hear these guys talk - then you all need to get some new hobbies. Oh wait - a female Kennedy is about to talk.... the interest level should pick up now....

Hillary's Theme Song

Since the DNC began, I thought a musical posting from Hillary to Obama would be appropriate. Oh, and Obama? Stop sending me mail, cause you ain't getting a dime. I'm saving it for Hill's 2012 campaign against McCain.

Happy Porn Thursday!

Dear Dinosaur Trader,
I thought for a special Porn Thursday treat, I would find a clip that combines your love of music and Brangelina.

Go Hillary!

Thanks to DT and his fanatic support, my girl was pushed to the side by the "non-politician" - the "I'm not going to play with those Washington bad boys" - the "a different kind of politics" Obama.

Hmmm, I'm sorry, but hasn't OBAMA turned into quite the politician lately? Flipping over and changing sides more often than a gay cowboy. (note to any gay cowboys who read this now 10th tiered blog: sorry.)


The point is, the sister thinks Hillary would have had the cahones to beat McCain. Obama? Not so much....

Feel free to send my brother "I told you the fuck so" emails when McCain beats Obama, and raises the price of organic granola to $72 a box.

now this is music

Now this is music!
True statement: DT sported this gay hairdo not too long ago.
And, I'm fairly certain he owned the same jacket that Jack is sporting here.

Hijacked!

That's right. I've had enough of this blog shit, thinking you are the best dinosaur in the family. Right now, you are camping like some crunchy granola freak in your tent with Judy, and no internet access.

From now on, this is MY site, and you are my dinosaur bitch. Traders of the world, (or the 7 of you who regularly tune in to read DTs crappy posts) I give you the real talent in the family: Dinosister.

Be prepared to cough up lots of your oily dough to send my way, and I'll reward your sorry asses with the real dirt on DT. Oh, and I'll replace his crappy music with the real deal. Be prepared for some changes around here - there is a new dinosaur in town, and she's ready to rip you all a new one for putting up with this inane blog for so long.

I will accept opening bids no lower than $5,000 to spill the DT beans.

guess which one is the dinosaur

Guess which one would be the dinosaur, if I was actually his brother and not his cooler sister?