Sunday, December 28, 2008


Dancing on the grave of 2008 before it has officially passed may be in poor taste, but did 2008 care about you when it fucked your 401k account? NO.

2008 was a total dick.

The best thing you could say about 2008 is that it was a good year for blogging about the stock market. Everyday, some new scandal broke and some significant level was breached.

It was epic and that's why there are many great links here, all chosen by the people who wrote them.

One note... In an effort to increase the range of this post, I've "porned it up." In my opinion, the stock market blogosphere has a lot to learn from the success of the porn industry on the Internet, so I worked a little sex into the blog post descriptions that follow.

Meanwhile, any similarity between the descriptions and the actual posts or the lives of the people who wrote them is completely unintentional. Except Timmay's... If you want to see actual descriptions of the posts and not the "porned up" versions, click here.

One more note... if this is your first time on my blog, welcome. On the sidebar, you'll find an "Introduction" link. For you regulars, daily posting will resume on January 5th. Thanks to everyone for visiting.

Anyway, please get into the spirit of this post by checking the video below. It's 24 seconds long and somewhat safe for work...

UPDATE: My BSMBP "mentor" Jon Swift has completed his own "Best Blog Posts of 2008" post. His has a political slant and probably took the entire month of December to compile. He's kind of like, the grandfather of Best Stock Market Blog posts, so check it out.

Dinosaur Trader - "Another Lesson In Perspective" A young stock market blogger takes to the sea on a search for perspective. A wild storm washes him onto an island inhabited by nothing but dirty little whores!

The Fly - "The Important Matter Of Mother Market" A week before graduation "Professor Tropicana" finds himself in a moral dilemma. Is raising the grade of a failing student in exchange for sex worth the guilt he will have to live with? What the hell, this little slut has Mother Market's permission and is offering to give it up!

Hybridtalk (Exchanges) - "The Difference Between NYSE And Nasdaq: Who Is Master, Man Or Machine?" Watch the hottest, most willing but nonetheless "innocent" robots perform some of the nastiest sexual acts on Wall Street. Just when you thought robots couldn't move any faster, they moan and scream for more speed!

Wall Street Warrior - "Simple Analysis To Understand Fibonacci" A woman whose husband leaves her is sexually frustrated by the absence of a lover in her life. Avoiding the lecherous advances of the men she meets, she finds that her son's interest in her exceeds the accepted limits of their relationship. They spend the rest of their adult lives in therapy!

Danny - "Bro, I Totally Feel You" Danny is a naive 15-year-old who is preoccupied with sex. He develops a crush on the new 30-something, French housekeeper who looks after him while his father is out of town for the summer on a "business" trip. Later, Danny realizes that he enjoys being "tortured" by his sister's Barbie dolls!

Trader X - "Fibonacci Lines, Indicators, And The Holy Grail" In 1957, a young man named Jason drowns while at the Crystal Lake summer camp. The camp closes. Years later, the camp reopens and a series of bloody murders take place. After the majority of the staff are killed, a woman appears who claims to be the mother of the drowned boy. She is later decapitated and a throng of angry anarchists show up to have sex with her skull!

Daily Options Report - "Who Has That Box Of Plus-Ticks?" A dude goes golfing. He accidentally hits his ball deep into the woods. There, he meets up with a gaggle of septuagenarian female golfers dressed in pastels!

Afraid To Trade - "How I Set Up My Charts" Watch as every "tight stop" is hit with abandon on these filthy little stock charts!

Wall Street Fighter - "10 Most Vulgar Ticker Symbols" If you fetishize about older babes getting pounded while calling out dirty stock symbols, then this is the stock market post for you!

Attitude Trader - "Attitude Adjustment Series: What Am I Looking Forward To?" In an effort to get his "Attitude Index" to rise, this blogger attracts the attention of some young sluts and changes their attitudes about "positive thinking."

Dogwood - "This Is Why They Suck" 15 different girls, 15 different cars! Enough said!

Jon Swift - "Great Moments In Election-Year Blogging" Mrs. Roberts has just lost her husband and needs comforting. Good thing the neighbor’s kid is grown up and back from college. He gives her more than just a shoulder to lean on…

Alphatrends - "Some Historical Bear Market Perspective" After breaking up with her boyfriend, distraught, helpless and "shy" Vanessa decides to take a hike into a deep and dark forest all by herself. How many bears will she find there? More importantly, how many can she handle?

Howard Lindzon - "Commodity Boom... OVER?" Two men enter a fast food place. One orders a burger with fries, the other orders nothing at all but gets gangraped by the hot voracious female employees!

The Big Picture - "On Writing" A sensitive pianist with a secret side is exposed in this raunchy tale of debauchery and sexual delight.

Slope Of Hope - "November" A man arm-wrestles for the custody of his son.

Zen Trader - "I Am" This "pious zen monk" stumbles from stock graph to stock graph in search of the perfect set-up. In the end, he is met by a dozen horny nuns that redefine his notion of "mindfulness."

Stewie - "My PnL Excel Sheet" Edward is a rich, ruthless businessman who specializes in taking over companies and then selling them off piece by piece. He travels to Los Angeles for a business trip and decides to hire a prostitute. They take a liking to each other and he offers her money if she'll stay with him for an entire week. Then they get married.

Ragin Cajun - "Don't Be An Asshat!" Summertime. The beach. It's the place where a guy can get more than an eyeful of tanned, curvaceous bodies barely covered by the teeniest of string bikinis. But when young, innocent Rajun makes his beach debut, the temperatures really start to rise! This nubile virgin is looking to lose it, and he has no problems finding plenty of virile studs to accommodate his wanton desires.

High Chart Patterns - "Excerpt From (What Will Be) Today's Newsletter" Debbie gets a spot on the roster of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. One day, Debbie is approached by her boss, Mr. Greenfeld, who first offers $10 to see her breasts, another $10 to touch them, and finally another $10 to suckle them. She realizes that with $30, she can buy 400,000 shares of Citigroup!

MovetheMarkets - "3 Live Scalp Trades On The ES Futures" A girl saves a piglet from slaughter and he grows up in a barn full of animals and befriends a spider named Charlotte. They all have "no holes barred" raunchy spider sex! Imagine, 8 legs!!!

OONR7 - "Same Old Story" In the not too distant future a secret government re-animation chemo-virus gets released into conservative Sartre, Nebraska and lands in an underground strip club. As the virus begins to spread, turning the strippers into "Super Zombie Strippers" the girls struggle with whether or not to conform to the new "fad" even if it means there's no turning back.

Complacent Panda - "Making Money With Simple Point And Figure Support & Resistance Trendlines" Watch as CP finds desperate amateur models willing to do anything to become famous. He takes these cute young angels and breaks their little halos right before your eyes!

OBAT - "Monster Stocks" Department store owner OBAT finds that several of his employees are unionizing to get more money and better working conditions. In order to find out who the organizers are, he gets a job at the store as a shoe salesman. Not realizing his true identity, he's befriended by the two ringleaders, and a charming older woman with whom he develops a romance. They go to dinner and become close friends!

Timmay! - "Ashley Dupre Girls Gone Wild Pics, aka It Never Ends" Enjoy watching this stock market blogger take not just one dick in the ass, but two dicks in the ass! That is correct my friends, double anal in every scene for over twelve hours of pure hardcore ass-action. TimRaw indeed!

FX - "Gamblers State Of Mind" Daniel is new in town, and is getting picked on by the local bullies, who all are adept in karate. Determined to stick up for himself, Daniel begins to teach himself karate, only to discover that the caretaker at his apartment seems to be a grand master in karate. Agreeing to teach Daniel, Mr. Miyagi shows Daniel that there is more to karate than violence. Daniel competes in and wins the All Valley Karate Championship. Afterwards, an orgy breaks out among the cheering crowd!

Stock Hunter - "Trading Results For 10-01-08, And A Hunting Story" Something about men that hunt attracts older women. Watch as these experienced whores teach this stock market blogger that there are better things to do in the woods than shoot animals.

The Essentials Of Trading - "The Secret To Trading Success" The Navy needs more men, so they enlist five voracious sperm-swilling babes to entice every man they can get their hands on to join up. Full of naughty Navy costumes and patriotic fervour!

Stock Rookie - "Poker Discipline" Rocky Balboa is a struggling boxer trying to make the big time. Working in a meat factory in Philadelphia for a pittance, he also earns extra cash as a debt collector. When heavyweight champion Apollo Creed visits Philadelphia, his managers want to set up an exhibition match between Creed and a struggling boxer, touting the fight as a chance for a "nobody" to become a "somebody". The match is supposed to be easily won by Creed, but someone forgot to tell Rocky, who sees this as his only shot at the big time.


Complacent Panda said...

linked and dugg. here's to 2009!

cuervo said...

I'm surprised I wasn't invited.
After all, I figured out how to know when DT was going to make a profit or lose some pesos.

Dinosister said...

1. I'm ROTFLMAO, crying my eyes out from laughing so hard at your porn-o-riffic descriptions. Well done, you sick brother o' mine!

2. You picked my absolutely favorite piece that you ever wrote for your link -

3. I was told to tell you that you are a guitar hero pansy....

Dinosaur Trader said...


You missed the post where I told anyone who wanted in to email me... the lesson here is to never miss a post.

DS, Your kids are gay.


Dinosaur Trader said...


Thanks! And by the way, I think the porn description for your post should get it more play than a description of point and figure charting... didn't they do that shit in the 1800s?


StockHunter said...

lol, I love the descriptions. Thanks, and have a great 2009!

HPT said...

Nice post.

Ilya and Nicole said...


Broker A said...

My post was much better than all the others.

Just saying.

Trader-X said...

I am still trying to figure out how you found out that I killed those people.

Those records were sealed.

Dinosister said...

my kids say you are fucking old -
and, Bring.It.On. Mr. Guitar Hero

Danny said...

hah, your kids are gay. Thats funny

Charlie G. said...

By the way, my porn star name is Sir Tittles according to the name generator. Man that best blog posts list at Jon Swifts place is REALLY long!

Salsaman said...

Jesus Christ, I thought I would never get to the end of this tonight. 3 hours of reading and studying and sent off to other links from said presented links while being ADHD isn't a good thing. Now I got to go read all my regular market prep for tomorrow and it's already 12:00 AM. Thanks a lot for no sleep tonight! :)

Trading Goddess said...

"the lesson here is to never miss a post."


P.S. The font color to post a comment can barely be seen!

waaaaaaa! again!

Dinosaur Trader said...


Where have you been?

Shoot me an email if you have a post you'd like to enter.

Actually, that goes for any other stock blogger who somehow missed the few posts where I invited you to participate. Email me your posts and I'll get them in. Not sure if they'll have porn descriptions, since I started tiring of that, but I'll get something funny up there.

BTW, I appreciate all the diggs!


Dinosaur Trader said...

Meanwhile, since I won't be posting the rest of this week, I just wanted to point you all back to Trader X's blog to check out the editorial from Bob Herbert that he posted.

It's good stuff (and I'm not just saying that because he's promoting the heck out of this post).


little2rich4u said...

Congratulations on being #4 on the Golden Douche Award list

Formerly ADD Trader said...

I love your blog, it has been on my feed for months now. Looking forward to reading it in the coming year, and to the links to Asian porn you will be putting up next....LOL!

Formerly ADD Trader

bocagirl said...

This was your best post of 2008. Happy New Year to DT and the entire Dino family.

Dinosaur Trader said...

Thanks, glad you all enjoyed this post.

Meet me here next year, same time.


Complacent Panda said...

Good god, stumble upon is addicting.