All Natural, "It's Okay"

Trader B spray choice.

The RO Report, "Mess" Edition

Today was a real chopfest. We gapped lower with lots of bearishness, but then ripped higher the entire first hour. After that, it was chop until a mild sell-off in the last hour.

Not fun trading action despite the impressive volume, over 1.8 billion traded.

I recall when the Bear Stears (remember them?) news dropped two Augusts ago that we were doing over 2 billion a day and sometimes close to 3 billion on the NYSE. If we start to see volume rise, it could be an indication that some kind of climax is approaching.

Or, perhaps volume is simply rising as stocks across the board get cheaper, making traders have to buy more shares to make the same profits. Who knows?

Anyway, we tested Dow 7,000 today. And no, it's not the bottom... so expect a nice 6,000 number sometime next week. My stomach churns for boomers locked into stupid retirement accounts.

The RO got clipped today. Out of 29 traders, 15 were gross positive or 52%. That's bad... worse, only 1 trader made over $1,000 gross and 9 lost over $1,000 gross. Were I not dead this year, I'd suffer from survival guilt with my #2 showing. As it stands, I don't feel guilty at all. I'll take the #2 and a solid close to my week.

The Manservants dominated. And "Trader D" pulled a rare "George Michael" today. (A "George Michael," for you n00bs, is when a trader's daytrading account and swing account are the worst two accounts of the day.)

"George Michael" - Trader D, -$10,783 on 281,000 shares traded.
Trader 10*, -$2,562 on 8,000 shares traded.

3. Trader J, -$1,981 on 30,000 shares traded.
4. Trader F, -$1,827 on 96,400 shares traded.
5. Trader N, -$1,501 on 97,800 shares traded.

"Lucky Pierre" - Trader B, $2,045 on 733k shares traded.

2. Trader S, $593 on 9,600 shares traded.
3. Trader O, $457 on 24,400 shares traded.
4. Trader R, $405 on 11,400 shares traded.
5. Trader T, $314 on 5,700 shares traded.

Week In Review

I hate dogs because people let them bark outside their houses for hours on end. Another good reason to hate dogs is because they all worship Satan. See below.


Slightly Possessed Demon Dog - Watch more Funny Videos

I'm so happy that "the Fly" finally released his PPT to (roughly) coincide with Obama taking office. Whenever he complains that the market is tanking because of something Obama did, I'll just blame the PPT. Gonna be a fun 8 years. DT Wins Again!!!

The Reformed Broker sits down with none other than JP Morgan to discuss the financial mess we're in.

Then he re-imagines "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor sung by Vikram Pandit. Internet gold.

Just in case you've missed the last 10 or so years of the Internet, Time gives you the top 99 things you've missed. I was #100 apparently.

Overkill punishments dished out by the greek gods.

The diary of a sperm. Surprise ending!

File under crazy religious zealots... dude kidnaps a woman, saddles her into an adult diaper, and then reads the Bible to her FOR THREE DAYS!

Is This The Bottom?

Bobby Jindal, America's Slumdog Millionaire.

Trader X found a nice graphic of Golden Parachutes.

Einstein solved major problems with one second nano dreams. Zentrader tells you how you can do the same thing.

Topless coffee shops? Changing the meaning of "You want cream with that?" forever.

Worried about the moral hazard that all the bailouts create? Stop worrying!