Special Alert From The Mainstream Media

If you are unfortunate or, well, stupid enough to live in the Northeast, snow and sleet is currently "wrecking havoc" in your community.

If you go outside, you're risking your life. This is a "killer snowstorm" that has left scores dead in the Midwest.

You are being "pounded" with it.

Don't even think about stepping away from your television to see what it's like to stand on your front lawn and listen to snowflakes hit the ground in the silence of the evening.

That would be crazy. You risk slipping on your steps and breaking a few ribs.

Then, your insurance company would screw you.

Don't drive your car. You will surely die in a car accident or be stranded when your car slides into a snowbank and die there.

Gather candles, blankets and food.

Stay inside. Watch TV.

Keep watching for more alerts.