Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Poll: How Should I Take Revenge On My Neighbor?

The first thing I do each morning is open the window blinds.

Well this morning I opened the blinds to see my neighbor walking his dog on the street in front of my house. The dog sniffed here and there and then ambled over to a wooded area on the side of my lawn and took a dump.

My neighbor stood there a second, looked in both directions and then walked away from the steaming brown pile which was quickly nestling its way further into the earth, my earth, with each drop of rain.

The motherfucker didn't pick it up!

So I ask you all a very important question. What should I do about this?

Please vote in the poll over on the right. It will only be open until Friday at which time I will act.

1. Take the shit and deposit it on his lawn.
2. Take the shit, bag it, and set it on fire on his stoop.
3. Leave a short letter in their mailbox asking them to curb their dog.
4. Put a sign on the lawn saying curb your dog.
5. Do nothing and worry about more important things.
6. Start flirting with his wife

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

7. All of the above.

Anonymous said...

i think you should eat it nature boy

Anonymous said...

"From each according to his ability, to each according to his need"

Dinosaur Trader said...

Hmmm... it's always interesting what kind of post sparks discussion.

Note to self: write about shit more.

-DT

Anonymous said...

stop acting like a cunt for once in your life

Dinosaur Trader said...

I remember this happy anonymous comment I read once... no wait, I've never read a happy anonymous comment...

-DT

HPT said...

Have you seen "Me, Myself, and Irene"? (with Jim Carry),

Go take a crap on his lawn.......

Jamie said...

Take the dog shit, bag it with a note stapled on the outside which reads something like: "Someone is always watching". Put it in his mailbox.

OR

Take a shit on his lawn. This option is more effective if he and/or his wife are watching you in action.

The Scrub said...

How hot is his wife?

Dinosaur Trader said...

Jamie,

I like that "someone is always watching" thing... kinda creepy.

@HPT, I only liked Jim Carrey in the Truman Show... I can't take that dude 80% of the time.

@Scrub, like... not too hot at all. But that's not the point.

-DT

Anonymous said...

Seems like you live in the kind of 'hood where people leave cars unlocked. Scoop the poop and deposit it on the driver's seat of your neighbor's car.

Dinosaur Trader said...

Damn... that would be nasty. I'm noticing that there's lots of "id" released through anonymous comments.

-DT

The Reformed Broker said...

this is an easy one, the dog or the neighbor has to be put to sleep

TRB

Dogwood said...

Box it up, then ship it to him postage due.

And leave a "Someone is always watching" note inside the box.

Just don't be dumb enough to leave your return address on the box or letter!

Although that would make for an interesting post.

Alyx said...

For the dog's #2, I choose option #2. Fitting!

Dinosaur Trader said...

I have decided to take anonymous's advice and just eat the poop.

Thank you all for participating.

-DT

MarshalN said...

He's fertilizing your soil. You should fertilize his wife.

Anonymous said...

Bravo says:

DT. Seriously, don't be so fucking passive aggresive. If you see him outside, go out, say hello, and tell him kindly not to have his dog shit in your yard. Period. You'll feel better about yourself knowing you confronted the issue like a man should. If he get's annoyed or defensive, or act's like a dick to you here on out, then that's his problem, not yours. At least you can sleep like a man.

Anonymous said...

It's too late to do anything - it would be creepy if my neighbor brought this issue up a week or so after it happened - I don't own a dog. My neighbors let their little dogs run loose and they come to my yard and have done their business and next time I saw them I chased them off and told the neighbor that their dogs were doing that and they said sorry, they would pick it up and I said I already did (it was days after the fact) - did they stop letting their dogs run loose? No. These are people who just will never get it. Their own yard is dumping grounds already - they are too lazy to pick it up so they mow it up when it is time to mow the yard. I live next to real winners. The husband got the house from his dad so that ties into lack of pride of ownership when you don't have to pay for it. Most likely if you deposit the poop back onto their yard you will feel better but it probably won't stop because they probably don't care about their yard as well. Next time it happens run out there, hand your neighbor a shovel and tell him to remove it and tell him your yard is not their dog's litter box. Be polite. Next time, confront - you will feel better than blogging about it. I have been in your situation - you have already wasted a lot of time worrying about dog shit that is not worth 2 seconds thinking about - the point is the shit represents a personal affront to you by your neighbors. They probably don't mean it - they are just lard asses who can't be bothered - they probably walk their dog at night to avoid detection and figure this is a victory because it means one less pile to remove from their back yard. So it really is not persona. Since they sound like selfish people - you gotta confront them - not in an overreacting manner - just be firm that you aren't going to take their dog shit. So I vote for option 7 - too late to do anything about it now but if you see your neighbor mention what you witnessed in a passing kind of manner - you should buy a pooper scooper, ring their doorbell, hand it to them as a way to bring the topic up and ask them very politely to please clean up after their dogs. If they ask, what do you mean, tell them about what you witnessed. Get a cheap plastic one to save money but make your point. Of course, you may want to do this next time it happens - I think you lost your opportunity already to address the situation - it looks like you have very little going on in your life if you go through the trouble of bringing this up weeks after the violation. Do it as the steamy vapors still rise from the pile of poop.

As you can see I enjoyed commenting on this post a little too much.