The RO Report, "Survivor Guilt (Not Really)" Edition

It was a complete bloodbath in the RO today, and coming out of the carnage squeaky clean, downright healthy even, makes me feel really, really, bad. good.

I mean, imagine being on a plane with all your friends and their smoking hot girlfriends. The plane crashes on a desert island. All your friends are maimed, but their hot girlfriends are perfectly fine and so are you. You quickly discover that the cargo area of the plane is loaded with comfortable mattresses, lubrication, and food. Meanwhile, there is an herb covering the island which causes nymphomania if it is breathed in, at all...

Can you imagine how AWESOME that would be? That's what it's like to be me right now... better yet, I have an entire weekend to revel in my victory.

That's right, fuck the RO. My only problem with today is that those scums didn't lose more...

It's hard to understand what the hell the guys were thinking today, trading like complete crackheads and shit. But the fact of the matter is, most of the guys in the office are total idiots. I'm smarter and better looking than them all. In time, they'll be calling me in the middle of the night, asking me how I've survived at trading for 10 years, and marveling at my ability to emerge from a two year slump as a "Lucky Pierre."

They'll be like, "Hey, DT, take a look at this graph... isn't that a strong uptrend?" And I'll be like, "No idiot, that's a downtrend, and the stock is going to zero. Anyway, are you good at 'sheetrocking?' My 8th house needs a new media center."

It was the worst day in awhile for the RO. Out of 24 traders, only 8 were gross positive, or 33%. In fact, that may be the lowest number I've ever reported in that category. Worse yet, only 1 remarkable trader (ahem) finished up over $1,000 gross, while the bottom 14 traders lost over $1,000 each.

I was #1 of 24. Repeat, I was #1 of 24.

Indeed, this weekend will be the most glory-filled weekend of my life. I may even let Judy order something that's not on the dollar menu.

Normally, I would put the Manservants "on top" since they handily defeated the Bosses today. However, since today is really about me and my victory, I'm putting the Bosses on top.

Here are today's Bosses:

"Lucky Pierre" Trader S, $2,842 on 109k shares traded.

2. Trader O, $794 on 12,400 shares traded.
3. Trader V, $664 on 32,400 shares traded.
4. Trader T, $600 on 3,200 shares traded.
5. Trader X, $439 on 33,800 shares traded.

And the Manservants:

"Chambermaid" - Trader B, -$35,809 on 605k shares traded.

2. Trader F, -$28,342 on 136k shares traded.
3. Trader E, -$19,055 on 201k shares traded.
4. Trader C, -$9,595 on 150k shares traded.
5. Trader N, -$4,361 on 121k shares traded.

NOTE TO STOCK BLOGGERS: Please link this post so that my victory will ring out throughout the Internets all weekend.

NOTE TO AMERICAN CITIZENS: Please lobby your local lawmakers to make October 24th National Dinosaur Trader day. Thank you.