"Philosophistal"

If I was a stock, I'd imagine the chart would look like hell. Gains in low volume and losses in high volume... the institutions are clearly selling.

Not much to explain today, I barely traded. Here's the stock that accounts for 85% of my loss.



Here are my trades in CF:

9:34:35 Short 200 @ 58.40 (-200)
9:43:56 Short 100 @ 58.31 (-300)
10:03:24 Short 100 @ 58.95 (-400) *note adding to the losing position
10:58:36 Short 100 @ 59.22 (-500)
11:06:57 Short 100 @ 59.56 (-600)
11:23:13 Buy 200 @ 59.70 (-400)
11:24:48 Buy 200 @ 59.74 (-200)
11:41:43 Short 100 @ 59.60 (-300)
11:51:08 Short 100 @ 59.89 (-400)
11:58:58 Buy 200 @ 60.27 (-200)
12:02:16 Short 200 @ 60.24 (-400)
12:25:56 Short 100 @ 60.10 (-500)
14:17:30 Buy 100 @ 59.89 (-400)
14:18:32 Buy 200 @ 60.13 (-200)
14:20:14 Buy 100 @ 60.08 (-100)
14:32:13 Short 500 @ 59.83 (-600)
15:30:21 Buy 500 @ 60.45 (-100)
15:32:20 Buy 400 @ 60.48 (300)
15:32:26 Buy 400 @ 60:48 (700)
15:34:18 Sell 300 @ 60.17 (400)
15:34:26 Sell 400 @ 60.16 (flat)

That, my friends, is about as bad as you can get. I was short the stock all day long, practically from the open until the close and all the stock did was go up.

When I did get long, at 15:32:20 it was all about anger and revenge and I paid the price for that too.

Here is a line from a book I am reading:

"Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us."

The book, incidentally, is not about trading stock, but whatever.

What I feel like after a day like today is that I am making the same mistakes over and over. Kind of like, well, coming apart at the seams on these days. I think it was yesterday that I short stocks all day long while they went up. What am I doing?

I think I am facing a type of annihilation. I am annihilating the trader that I was by recognizing this shit. The next step is correcting the mistakes. Perhaps once this happens I will find those "indestructible" qualities in myself that made me a good trader for all those years. And when I do, perhaps I will undergo some type of rebirth. Or, it's possible that I am killing off the trader in me altogether.

Or, if you're an idiot, you could just say that I suck as a trader, and while currently this "argument" may hold some water, it doesn't get us anywhere, does it?

It may be that I'm in for some period here of self-discovery where I just figure out that trading is not for me anymore. Of course, I can't be sure of that just yet. I'm clearly walking down a new path and I'm not sure where it leads.

But I have some hard realities to face in the coming months which I will be writing about. July is somewhat pivotal for me. When you see me slap up those goddamn Google ads, you'll know that a meteor is clearly heading towards my planet and that a big freaking dust storm is threatening my trading extinction.

When I urge you to click on the ads and put up a little "buy me a beer" widget then you will know that the meteor has hit.

Anyway, for now that is all. As my friend said to me the other day, I'm a "philosophist". I imagine that as I lose more money I will be getting more and more "philosophistal."

Here's the stats:

P&L, -$1544
Best, TNH, $110
Worst, CF, -$1278

shares traded, 8400
stocks traded, 8, 2 positive, 6 negative
total trades, 50