Sigh
Some background.
I started this blog in March after I took the worst 2 day smoking of my 8 year trading career. At that point, I was nearly through my capital. I battled back in March and ended the month down only a few hundred dollars, capital intact. It was the first month that I had ever lost money.
In April I don't recall having any big bomb days, but I lost again, my second down month in a row. So my loss was a little over $1000.
May has been a bit of a rollercoaster. There were times when I felt confident again and thought momentum was building. I had a couple of good days. But I've had a few recent bombs as well. Therefore I am in the red and close to halfway through my capital. The end of the month is near. We're in a holiday week, I just don't feel any big gains coming my way anytime soon.
If in March I was at some type of crossroads I'm not sure where I am right now... ever seen footage of the polar bears swimming around looking for some ice to hold onto? It's like that right now. I'm simply at a loss.
I'm not sure how much longer I can continue to munch at my savings account. I had some good years and saved good money but that was before I had a kid and felt this sudden surge of responsibility hit me. Every day I lose I kind of feel like she loses too. Continuing this slide feels irresponsible to me. I feel that soon I may have to swallow some pride and go sit in a gray cubicle somewhere pretending to be busy again for a steady paycheck.
Damn this is a depressing post. Well, fuck it, I'm depressed.
The silver lining is that my longer term account made some money today. The Fly's stock, MVIS took off a bit and another of mine, KOG, rose as well.
I'm considering taking off the rest of the week. You can't trade when you have no confidence.
Here's the stats:
P&L, -$1452
Best, DSL $53
Worst, FWLT, -$466
shares traded, 21,200
stocks traded, 13, 1 positive, 12 negative (that's so bad it's almost funny...)
total trades, 110
13 comments:
This is ideal text for you now.
http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html
I found it at http://maoxian.com/
Dino, it is more than likely you have hit the nail on the head when identifying the birth of your child as a turning point in your trading.
When my second was born, (now over a year old) my trading took a pretty bad turn. Honestly, I'm still adapting to the added responsibilities.
Do not mind fuck yourself though. You being a good dad will never be determined by how much money you make, or whether you make it trading or selling cars.
While I'm not really the picture of success lately, if you feel you must get a real job, get something parttime, or get something answering phones or something where you can still have a steady paycheck and access to the markets.
And don't forget that you've only had several bad months out of many good months. As long as you don't lose everything you will recover.
My best to you man. Raising a family and trading are really really tough.
Broker,
Hey, can your time machine send me back to 1999?
BTW, nice day.
-DT
FX,
Thanks for that. I had never read that speech and it was exceptional.
The more money I lose, the freer I feel in some aspects... ironic?
-DT
Woodshedder (TWW),
Hey, thanks for the thoughtful comment. The added responsibility has been a factor for me, no doubt.
Looking back, I was trading best when I had nothing to lose and didn't give a damn about saving money.
Thanks,
-DT
Sorry to hear about the tough times. Do you think there's a problem with the edge eroding or market changing or is it more within yourself / psychological?
I don't have the amount of experience you do but it sounds to me like maybe you need to get back to the drawing board to figure out what worked, what didn't and what you need to changed in the way you trade.
Just my 2c.
Hope it works out well for you.
Eyal
With the week (month) both of us are having - we should meet in AC on Monday for drinks - Denarii Trader - "Baby needs new shoes"
Maybe you need to teach yourself a new way to trade or a new item to trade -FX? Denarii Trader
You are a pro, so get your ass in gear and get to work. Fight for your money like you know how.
If you feel like changing it up, visit us in my trading room, trade some (easy to short) nasdaq stocks and stick with small share size for a bit, like 200.
Eyal,
The problem lies firmly within. I can blame the hybrid if I want, but that's not going to get me anywhere ultimately.
To the drawing board!
Thanks,
-DT
Denarii,
AC, hahahha!
As for trading a new market, I've thought about currencies and I think it's a solid suggestion. I may look into it further during this summer.
Thanks, see you at the poker table this weekend,
-DT
Glenn,
Cutting share size is an excellent suggestion and I appreciate the invite to the room.
The fiery call to arms was good too!
Thanks,
-DT
i changed my time frame to higher ones w/ smaller size recently and has made a large difference in results and stress levels- from 1/5min to 5/15/30/60min. gets rid of the hybrid rape fills that can crush ur day due some bad fills. if ur continously pointing to hybrid as a reason for ur problems- make a change- trade nasdaq, trade futures/commodities. other than that- you have to 100% head in the game- if ur not feeling it- bag it. being ur own boss w/ the freedom trading provides comes at a price of emotional distress at times. enjoy some days off and write up a plan.
gt
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