Tina Turner, "Simply The Best"

Or the worst... However, I remember in the 80s my father always used to say that Tina Turner had "nice legs." God I hope I make money tomorrow. I really can't stand posting bad music.

The RO Report, "They Ruined The Market" Edition

Man, I saw that Duncan guy on CNBC today saying that he plans on getting that short selling ban extended and it made me very depressed. Being a trader and not being able to short stocks... it makes no sense. It'd be like... imagine the porn industry banned oral sex. It's stupid.

Here's a link to Mr. Niederauer, CEO of the NYSE talking about the ban from the NYSE website.

Anyway, more and more stocks are being added to the "ban list" which means fewer trading opportunities. And that is beginning to show in the volume number. Today, amidst all this market confusion, we barely edged our way over a billion shares on the NYSE.

Folks, short NYX. Oh wait, YOU CAN'T! Fuck these market manipulators! Let us trade again!

It was a very quiet day in the RO. Out of 22 traders, 9 were positive, or 41%. I was #12 of 22, or slightly negative. Only 4 traders finished up over $1,000 gross today.

Here are today's Bosses.

1. Trader B, $4,926 on 200k shares traded.
2. Trader D, $2,422 on 28,700 shares traded.
3. Trader K, $1,340 on 129k shares traded.
4. Trader H, $1,260 on 12,100 shares traded.
5. Trader R, $840 on 33,400 shares traded.

And the Manservants.

1. Trader A, -$7,635 on 161k shares traded.
2. Trader N, -$935 on 12,800 shares traded.
3. Trader J, -$878 on 24,000 shares traded.
4. Trader F, -$760 on 14,800 shares traded.
5. Trader Z, -$598 on 22,200 shares traded.

Is Andy Borowitz "Too Big To Fail?"

Well now that he's been linked by me, he's bigger than ever. Wait, sorry... I meant to say, "biggah than evah."

I love the The New Yorker magazine. Of course, that makes perfect sense since I'm not only a communist, but I'm also an elitist.

Be that as it may, I urge you to check out this funny piece by Mr. Borowitz entitled, "Too Big To Fail." If you're not an elitist, it's okay... it's short and there are lots of pictures.

Here's a snip.

How did I find myself in this hole? Like most financial crises, mine had its origins on a slippery slope. First of all, I made the mistake of logging on to iTunes when I was high and downloading every Electric Light Orchestra song ever recorded. Second, I created my own e-commerce site, the ill-fated DressYourBadger.com.

Admit it, that's funny. Read it, and enjoy communism. It's coming, why fight it?

Duncan Neiderauer On Short Sale Ban

"It's very likely that it will be pushed out a few weeks [past the current Oct. 2nd deadline] until we have a marketwide solution on how we should trade all stocks."

That sounds very bad from a trading perspective. They will extend the short-ban. Sigh.

I'll put up a link to the interview when it becomes available.

Here it is.

Ron Paul On "The Bailout"

And for some perspective, here's how Sweden dealt with a similar crisis in 1992. I don't think RP would be pleased...

Meanwhile, haven't we had enough secrecy from the White House in the last 8 years?

How cynical to think that just because there are now photos of Sarah Palin with a couple of "world leaders" that she has "foreign policy" experience. How condescending.

Debt To America!

The best thing about this crisis is seeing The Daily Show cover Wall Street more. Now if only they'd pick up the phone, and hire me on as a writer so I can get the fuck out of here already.

Breaking! Paulson Bans Warren Buffett's Death

The SEC and Hank Paulson have just issued an emergency order effectively banning the death of Warren Buffett.

As Paulson explained in a brief statement, "Warren Buffett is too important to the stability of the US Financial Markets to be allowed to pass. He will be kept alive at least until the next administration takes office, so that the "liberal media" doesn't have yet another awful event to blame on President Bush."

UPDATE: Here's Buffett on CNBC this morning discussing his purchase.