FLASH: Miss New Jersey Is Filthy And Immoral. Blowing Up Innocent Foreigners, Still Cool.

Americans are besieged by news stories about filthy and immoral Miss New Jersey!

Overheard on supermarket line:

Woman #1: "I heard he was biting her breast!"
Woman #2: "Gasp! How filthy and immoral!"
Woman #1: "Well I, for one, hope they remove her crown!"
Woman #2: (quietly sobbing) "What has become of our once great country? Our once heralded pageant contestants are tawdry whores... people question the President..."
Woman #1: (putting arm reassuringly around woman) "It's the terrorists... and the Democrats."
Random Teenage Boy: "I think she's hot!"

LOCK YOUR CHILDREN IN A SAFE PLACE! THE END MUST BE NIGH!